Tuesday, September 6, 2016

God Endorses Corbyn

God has endorsed Jeremy Corbyn.

God: the Orignal Backbencher


A representative angel from Heaven’s PR office, said that while the Almighty generally doesn’t get involved in politics earth side, He thought that somebody had to come out on Jez’ side.


"How about Jesus?”, a reporter asked of the angel who checking his wings for soot..


There Are Rumours About Jez-us
“Oh, since His policies and Jez’ are almost identical, y'know caring for your fellow man and the like.

Jesus is a big Corbyn fan, too. And Jesus likes UB40”. The angel did not appear to like Press Conferences.  He was overheard saying, "Hell has more class".


The reporters immediately turned to questions about Jesus's views on pop culture.  "What does He think was going to happen next in Game of Thrones?"


After the News Conference, the UK press responded immediately to Heaven's endorsement of the Labour Leader:
     
         Jesus Doesn't Watch Game of Thrones!

In addition, there was single article which was reprinted by all the wire services.  It noted that God cares for everybody --even deluded old people who ride bikes and wear old jackets..  

      God Sympathetic To Geriatric Nobodies

In the newspapers, it was on a back page, along with articles on the sex life of Armadillos. On web pages, it was at the bottom with "Online Dating Secrets". 


Heaven responded that Jez' was in no way deluded.  And neither was God. 

The Media were quick to respond -- in their usual way. Articles appeared  focusing on sex abuse in the Catholic Church, the decline of church attendance, and the rise of Atheist “churches”. And why priests wear dresses.


         Is Christianity in Decline?  


There were several articles on the rise of religiosity in Russia and photos of Vladmir Putin with Orthodox Priests. 

      Putin Is A Christian



And several articles mentioned that Muslims believed in Jesus too. Which means.....


      Muslim Terrorists Love Jesus


The Parliamentary Labour Party issued a statement regretting that the All-Knowing was so “woefully misinformed”.  And suggested that, anyway,  in a general election “no one is voting for God”.

The Labour Party's ruling body backed them up, suggesting that new members who identified as Christians would be prevented from voting, in the same say that members with Tory affiliations would be disallowed. 


The Guardian’s headline?


     God Unelectable


 JK Rowling?  

      God is no Dumbledore 


The Conservative Party:

    Time to Privatize Heaven
Heaven Could Be So Much More
 

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