Friday, May 13, 2016

Julian Assange's New Girlfriend and the Art of PR

PR is not about Reason -- it is about feelings. It works best when it taps the Unconscious.

Taking a break from Donald Trump, I turn to cats, specifically kittens.
Julian's New Girl Friend
Julian Assange has gone viral with his kitten, who has her own twitter account.  The kitten was apparently a gift from his kids – but it is also a PR triumph.
Embassy Cat Takes Control
As we all know, kitten videos are the biggest thing on the Internet. If you don't like them -- you are not human, you are a bot. 
If you don't like cuddly you are a Bot
And this kitten -- a girl, by the way --  radically changes Assange's image in the popular mind, except maybe for that FemiNazi Upper Middle Class fringe group who own rottweilers or pitbulls and will forever hold Julian's broken condoms against him  forever --although why anyone would want to hold an icky, sticky broken rubber I don't know. 
Non-FemiNazi with Real Dog

Other, more reasonable people must ask a serious question:  what rapist, pervert, terrorist traitor sleeps with an adorable kitten?  

MeI do actually.  

And also Julian.

Now, Hitler had large fangy German Shepherds.  He was also a vegan, farted a lot and had a deformed penis.  He secretly dreamed of  being Bill Maher who secretly dreams of being Donald Trump.  So, now you "get" Hitler. Also Maher.  All ya' need to know.

Hitler liked to sleep with "Blondi".

I digress....

Can you imagine Pol Pot with a kitten?  Or Dick Cheney?  No, no, no....  Please not Cheney – he would eat it!
Cheney is a Monster

Really, if you want to evaluate a politician do not look at his relationship with his wife or children --do not consider whether the interns are giving him blowjobs or whether there are hookers in the pool or whether he jerks off in the Oval Office --do not even look at silly things like public policy --  look at his relationship with animals.
President Socks

The Clinton’s had a cat named Socks. But Socks didn’t get along with Bill’s dog Buddy, who arrived later.      It is natural for cats to resent new pets.  If they are not given enough attention and made to feel secure, they feel betrayed.  Kinda like voters.  
Clinton moves New Love!

The Clintons didn’t know how to make peace between Socks and Buddy any better than they knew how to make peace with anyone else.  And ...they didn’t care.  
This is...US!

Socks was given away eventually..  Dumped.  Betrayed.  We all were, I guess.

Buddy, by the way, was hit by a car and killed.  We got a lot of legislation that gutted welfare, put thousands of young black men in prison-- and eventually ended up with George Bush. Dumped.  Betrayed.

If the Clintons could not be trusted to look after a cat or a dog, how was it they were trusted to look after the Free World .  Dumped.  Betrayed.

And now the Hillary wants to do it all over again.  

Now let's look Vladimir Putin, usually referred to in the Western Press as a "dictator", a "thug", a war-monger. 

However, besides being a man’s man, riding horses, doing martial arts and playing with tigers and leopards and huskies and so on, he likes cats and kittens.  

Clearly gay!.... Oh, can't say that.  Let's just call him a "pussy" instead.

Putin gets close to 90% approval in Russia – and is especially popular with women, other than (of course) Pussy Riot,  despite being pussy. Ironies abound.

Obama by contrast is an American style man. When not blowing up babies with drone strikes.  

He doesn't like animals much -- and certainly not cats.  But he got dogs for his kids because
  •     they are girls and girls like puppies
  •     it made for good PR
  •     he is not gay
Personally, I prefer pussies.  Here is one of mine.
My Owner

Is Julian on the right side of history?

Of course - -that’s the kitten side.Soft, cuddly, affectionate, but independent, wise.  They toilet train naturally which is more than I can say for myself.   Julian's  kitten is witty and quotes Shakespeare.

As I said at the beginning -- this is also good PR.

We react automatically to the loving, caring images of a man with a kitten sleeping under his chin.  It's an emotional thing and whatever we think of JA's politics -- he looks like a mensch.  If anything gets Julian out of the Ecuadorian embassy, it will be Embassy Cat. 

David Cameron?  He fucks dead pigs. 

It would be churlish to try to discount Embassy Cat, as the Washington Post tried to with the headline....

Julian Assange got a kitten for company, but now it’s tweeting and making him look loony

Sorry, WaPo Embassy Cat doesn't make Assange look "loony"--she just makes you look like assholes.   

1 comment:

  1. Putin is a bit of a gangster, true, but he's the people's own gangster who sorted out the much worse gangsters that were bleeding Russia dry after the fall of communism. people who haven't been to Russia don't understand. You often see, in this very religious country, statuettes of Putin alongside the Virgin Mary and Jesus. Ordinary people view him as their saviour, in other words.