Monday, July 30, 2012

Mr. Christ Goes to Washington

It's hot.  My brain is sweating.  So this post has little to do with my usual themes.  Or then again maybe it does.
You didn’t know that Jesus Christ was running as a third party candidate for President of the US?  Well, neither did I.  Which just shows what happens, with a real grass roots campaign, that can’t afford TV advertising and the like. The Truth, divine or not, depends on good PR and media access.

I talked with GOP strategist, Morton Mammon about Mr. Christ’s candidacy.  Later, I will talk to a Democrat spokesperson.  Neither person liked Mr. Christ's platform very much, which is mostly about real-world human needs. Conventional politics, by contrast,  is about delusion and illusion.

Look, we don’t know how he got on the ballot in the first place.  It was a kind of miracle, considering the fact that the guy doesn’t even have a birth certificate.  So maybe somebody, somewhere was pulling strings.  I'm not naming names....

Good. That would be blasphemy  I think.

Anyway... Like, nepotism anyone?  As you know, we Republicans just want a level playing field.  But to do that we need rules about who can play and who can’t. You gotta follow the rules.  Can't have everybody playing.  Just one percent or so.

This guy appears out of nowhere, with no explanations about what he’s been doing for the last 2000 years – and no endorsements or support by a corporation.  Did I mention no birth certificate?

Yes, you mentioned the birth certificate.  So you are suggesting that the Big Guy Up There intervened -- unfairly?

I’m not accusing anyone of anything.  Just that there are some obvious irregularities.  And the fish rots from the head, goddammit. 

Look, Citizens United – which is now the Law of the Land says only corporations get special preferences.   Besides….who it this Christ guy anyway?  Who's his Dad? This is not the same guy  we Republicans know.  Like, he doesn’t even have a license to carry.

 He looks really middle eastern, wears Arab clothes.  The long hair, the beard – just like Osamu.  Yeah, the Muslims love him. Why, they even mention that in that little green book of theirs, the Coo-ran.   He's really a Muslim, y'know.

I think you mean the Koran – and it’s not little and green anymore than the bible is little and purple-brown.  Yes, Jesus is revered in Islam.  But then he occasionally gets respect in some versions of Christianity sometimes too, don’t you think?


Yeah, well, that’s a different Jesus.  Our Jesus  knows poor people are just lazy.  Our Jesus hates fags.  This guy hangs out with twelve guys  --or gays (laughs) -- and the homeless.  He’s a carpenter he says. Belongs to the union maybe?  

 But when was the last time you saw him with a hammer and nails?  (Laughs) That was the crucifixion and he wasn’t the one doing the hammering, for Chrissake. (laughs again).      

Our guy is for job creators like Mitt.  This guy disses the ‘Rich’ .  Like,  he used to drive the money lenders from the temple.  Fortunately we have the NYPD to keep away from Bof A.  

This other Christ guy is  a socialist.   Loaves and fishes – what’s that but redistribution?  And did I mention he doesn’t have a birth certificate?

Well, yes, you mentioned that.  And, yes, Mr. Christ has been identified with progressive causes.

Progressive?  He’s a fuckin’ commie -- for god’s sake.    And  look at his private life.  Kinky.  Gets his feet washed by whores.       And he has these huge meetings, with his so-called “following” which we have to get  broken up by the cops because he never bothers to get a permit.  Thank god for rubber bullets and pepper spray.  I think it is fortunate that the media are ignoring him.

Yes, there has been no mention of him. Don’t you think it unusual? 

Nah….  I know all five guys who own the American media and they agree with me.  The guy’s just a loser.  Anyway, there are more important things to publicize like American Idol.

You’re a born again Christian right?  

Yeah, Jesus changed my life.  But that’s our Jesus.  And he’s dead, thank God.  And when he comes back, he’ll be kickin’ lefty butt, with an M16 in either hand. This other guy – he’s all loveydovey --don’t pay your student loans, organize against foreclosures.  Look,  there’s a big difference between going to church and being a Christian and following this new Christ guy. 

Like, he doesn’t hang out in churches anyway.  Nor does his old man.  Did I mention they're really Muslims? 

Word also is that he’s pro-choice and pro-Palestinian too.   He should be in Gitmo – not  running for President.  This is un-American. 

And did I mention, he doesn’t have a birth certificate?

You know that your candidate, Mitt Romney is a Mormon. And the Mormons believe that Jesus visited America and lived here ministering to the Nephrites, which makes me more or less an American? 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

PR, Pigs, Horses, and Porn Moms
 In our last blog post we continued our tortuous look at how “public relations” and advertising work  –or more correctly, how they don't work.    

All along, we have proceeded from that assumption that PR is a form of propaganda, which – in essence – is really just an expression of the human tendency to “look good”.  I have argued that you can look good without lying.  Choosing the right camera angle and lighting can show off your best side, which is real and not a deception. That is quite different from pasting in a photo of a super model. which is not you. .

PR often blows up small things to create something real-looking – at a distance -but artificial—to manipulate human delusions, which is about 50% of our psyche.  

The appeal is visceral, not intellectual.  It pushes the buttons of  social conditioning.  Dogs salivate when bells ring; you do too.    Of course, it has to be the right bells.

And what you see below is probably not the

Alas,  radical cosmetic surgery,  PR/ proganda/ spin  are foten  often  just money wasted. 

Sorry girls-- “after” is not always better than “before”.  And while everyone lies – no one likes to be lied to.    Want to look good?  For people contemplating nip and tuck,  not to mention, countries, companies --and other singles on the prowl  --  verisimilitude is the key  -- and balance.

Natural is Good.    Plastic skin is un=sexy.  A “big” lie must be believable.  Too big, too hard,  too symmetrical, visible evidence of the fakery  -- such things generate a negative reaction.  You look bad.   If you are going to lie--do it well, with grace -- I hate myself for saying this -- the Obama way, not the Bush way.

In the world of Spin -- whether it is your face or your company or your asshole, or your company's asshole --  commonsense matters..... One has to wonder sometimes, how people -- nominally intelligent people -- could be so blind!

Spin, unfortunately, always involves some degree of deception.  We don't want people to "see: certain things.  So we lie to others and then we lie to ourselves. "Oh what a tangled web..." You remember the rest.  And some people are just not good at this. 

Think of the US and its wars.     Vietnam. It lied about Iraq. It lied about Afghanistan.   Libya.  Now,  Syria.  We all know the official line.  And we all know the truth is out there somewhere -- but probably not we hear on CNN..  The Fourth Estate is a puppy farm, run by four or five large companies who hate dogs..  No hope there

But we have Wikileaks.  And a few courageous truth tellers.  And the Internet.   The truth will out.  

Not that the US and its government of corporate cabals really care what a few million ragheads think or feel.  They don’t buy Ipads do they?

The American public?  A solid 30 percent always has rags in their heads --rather than meriticiously wound around them. 

Of course, the US is not any better or worse in this respect than any other country.  The problem is that it pretends to higher standards.    

How would you feel if your Mom not only took you to church every Sunday and was active member of the PTA and did charity work --and was constantly proselytizing against gays, sex before marriage,  -- and then you found out she worked outside doing gangbang movies.

Now,  just suppose that Mom wasn't a Tea Partier and didn't hold herself up as a paragon of GOPish (hereafter refered as "goppish" or "goppy") virtue.  if Mom were honest in the first place and told you that she did, say, “erotic” movies because a.) she liked sex and Dad had run away with a sailor  b.) she needed the money to pay for your  college c.) the important things in life are kindness, loyalty, love and friendship --, maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal..  
Why for example is Obama neck and neck goppishly with a man like Romney?   It’s like a race between a horse and a pig – with the pig ahead sometimes, with detours to eat offal..  In this case, Obama is not much of a horse. More like a donkey,   weakened by poor feed --you can’t thrive eating your own horseshit – which is what Obama did when he forgot the substance of his original campaign promises and the expectations of his base.   Like a donkey he often moves backwards when you want him to go forward.   Obama used to look good -- and still does.   Tall, handsome, athletic looking, a great voice.  A made for TV guy. 
And he can sing!   Yup, American Idol --the real American dream.

Pigs, by the way, are smarter than horses or donkeys.  But a lot greedier -- and only George Clooney keeps one as a pet.

I digress....

“Change you can believe in”.  What was not to like?  Now we know  – and it is a lot.   But it probably doesn't matter.  All that Americans learned in life, they learned from MTV.  Only looking good matters.

Trouble is you can't get lazy. You have to work at it.

When you fake it, people catch on.  Obama will get elected, more or less by default.  But he has lost a lot of friends.

So this is the basic rule of  Spin.  If you look in the mirror and you see something you don’t like – like you’re fat – don’t go out and buy clothes that you think hide it – because they won’t.    Lose some weight.  If you're a company, and your products suck -- make better ones.    If you are a politician -- tell the truth (but do with impact and elegance, the JFK way).  To show your best side -- you need a best side.

  A lot of advertising  and PR is so lazy. Which means stupid.   And people catch on.